


Still Not Far Enough

by Annibal



Series: Chrysalis [2]
Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Knotting, M/M, Mentions of miscarriage, Omega Verse, Smut, mentions of Molly/Will
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-01
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-03-09 23:23:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 24,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3268139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annibal/pseuds/Annibal





	1. Chapter 1

Matthew cling to his bus ticket the whole ride, the memories of the last few years feeling fresh and raw as he looked out the window.

He thought about the first time Will had visited him after his return. How he had reached his hands across the table and told Matthew that he didn’t care, that he wanted to try again. His own hormones had never been so low after the miscarriage; at the time he had thought that it wasn’t an option. He wouldn’t be able to give Will what he wanted and the month and a half he waited for Will to return was enough to realise that he was never going to be Will’s first priority. 

He had asked for a favour and left abandoned him until he found out he was an omega. Then again he had stayed with him because of the pregnancy, but Hannibal was still first. 

Matthew hadn’t been able to express the feeling of the end, but Will quickly understood. Whatever was between them died in the month he waited for Will.

They had sat there avoiding each other’s eyes for the rest of the visit. It took another month before Matthew asked Will to stop coming to see him, requesting that he move on and leave him in piece. He had felt like he didn’t have the energy to look at him and see the expectation in Will that he knew he couldn’t fill. 

Chilton had brought in a special loss therapist, but at first he had refused. Only showing up to sit stony faced while the man had tried to talk to him. 

It had been six months later when Will came again and told him he was moving. Will took the time to tell him that he would still be welcome for his probation, that he made sure there would be enough room for the both of them.

At the time the information that he was going to be alone had felt like a relief, he was just so tired. It had been less so in the following months when he realised that without Will no one visited him. 

Matthew wasn’t one to wallow, and so he adjusted to the return to solitude slowly healing after he finally broke down in front of his therapist. 

It had been a year later when his hormones had finally returned to the level a normal omega should have, but there was no celebration in the information. Just an acceptance of fact. 

Four times a year he would get a letter from Will, updating him on the dogs and his new life. One of the older dogs had passed away but he was reassured that it had had a good life. As distance and time passed between them the letters got shorter as Will had less to say. 

By his the last one at Christmas was just a postcard informing him that Will was seeing someone, but that Matthew was still welcome for his probation.

It was Will’s lawyer who had contacted him and brought him a bus ticket to a small town in Florida. He was told Will would check him in once he arrived, and from there on out it would be Will’s job to make sure the omega was home at 9pm every night.

He tried to hold onto the calm that he had found as the bus pulled to a stop. 

It wasn’t possible, his back prickling with sweat and his armpits feeling impossibly warm as he tried to find his footing and step off the bus. 

Matthew’s possessions were still with Will so he had only a small shopping bag filled with the letters that Will had send. He hadn’t had it in him to get rid of them. 

The bus station was tiny, a small shack that looked to have a lunch counter in it. 

His stomach flopped but he managed to keep his expression blank as he looked at Will for the first time in years. 

Will’s hair was lighter from the sun, now was speckled with gold and a few stray grey hairs. He was no longer the thin man who was recovering from a wound, in the last few years he had filled out and looked like the Will he had once known. 

His skin was darker, flecked with freckles, but that wasn’t the biggest change. It was the ease he had about him, like he was finally at peace after all this time. 

The smile on his face looked like it belonged there and it only faltered for a second. Short enough that if it had been anyone else they would have missed it.

“Good to see you.”

Will’s face held only friendly welcoming and it took a second to find his footing. While he was stuck in the cell Will had been able to move forward with his life. He needed a moment to catch up.

“Yeah.”

Will reached for his small plastic bag and Matthew jerked away. He closed his eyes and tried to find a smile.

“I can carry it.”

Will nodded and started for his car leaving Matthew to follow. 

It was not the same car as he has had before, but there was little difference, it was a bit newer, but it was still a blandly coloured hatchback. 

Matthew fit himself into the passenger’s seat and clung to the bag. 

“I set up the upstairs for you. You’ll have your own bathroom and bedroom, but we’ll have to share the kitchen.”

“Thank you.”

“I’m sure you’re too tired right now, but if you need any groceries that I don’t have already we can go for a trip tomorrow.” 

Matthew nodded and looked out the window, letting the car fall into silence. 

The ride wasn’t long and after a slightly bumpy ride they pulled down a long driveway to find a pleasantly well-kept house. 

“We’re home.”

Will said, and if Matthew hadn’t been sure, the dogs running towards the car would have let him know. 

It may have been years since he last saw them but he noticed that one of the older ones were missing. 

“What happened to Greg?”

“Didn’t I tell you?” 

Will’s brows drew down. 

“No.”

“He passed the summer after Zoe did, he was just old.”

Matthew opened his door and let them come smell him, and he was happy to see welcoming wagging tails. They acted as if he had never left, licking his hands and nuzzling against him as he tried to stand. 

It helped him pull himself together, and he kept his hand on Winston’s head, ruffling his ears for most of the walk to the house. 

“You’re welcome to go anywhere in the house, don’t feel like you have to stay upstairs. That’s the living room, and my room is that way.”

Will waved a hand to accompany the words. 

“That is the upstairs, I set up a few of your things but most are still in boxes, and that is the kitchen, feel free to eat any of the food in there.”

“I think I’m just tired now, would you mind if I just had a shower and went to bed?”

“Go right ahead.”

He almost fled to the upstairs, feeling like a visitor as he found which bedroom Will had set up for him. It had two big plastic tubs pushed against the wall, but it was his bed from his apartment and the dresser he had bought himself. There was even his small table set and two chairs.

His therapist had warned him he would probably go through a lot of feeling on his first few days, but he hadn’t expected to feel so tired. He started to putter around the room and get used to it.

On further inspection of the dresser there was no clothing in it and he opened the tub on top. His heart felt like it was pounding in his chest as he looked at the toy dog and blanket on top. Right away he closed it, blinking a few times as he tried to ground himself again. 

It was just fabric and stuffing it couldn’t hurt him. 

He waited until his heart stopped feeling like it was going to flee from his chest and opened it again, taking out the stuffed dog and tiny blanket. 

Matthew remembered how excited Will had been, he’d been out grocery shopping and had seen a baby store. He’d brought them both back proudly and had tucked the dog into the crib they had made together. 

Will had told him that the stuffed dog would hold the place until the baby could take it. 

His eyes felt wet as he wrapped the dog in the small blanket. He set it aside while he started to take his clothing and fill the dresser. When he had emptied out the tub he didn’t have the heart to put the dog back, instead setting it on one of the two chairs at his table. 

It wasn’t like he intended to let anyone into his room anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

It felt strange having Matthew in his house, he had forgotten how good he had looked. Time hadn’t changed that. He was still pale as ever with his dark hair long enough that it curled around his ears as they stuck out. His scent was still fresh and even without trying Will took it in.

It didn’t matter what his mind thought, Matthew was still his omega, and his scent was perfect. 

When he had tried to talk to him he felt like Matthew was withdrawn, or maybe it was just the edge of worship that had faded. Either way Will had ended up babbling the entire time when he picked him up.

As soon as Matthew had left upstairs Will had poured himself a drink and had almost finished a second before he noticed Matthew was standing in the doorway of the living room. 

He was wearing silky back pajama bottoms that slung low over his hips and a thick towel over his shoulders. The clothing were ones he remembered packing away; one of the items of his clothing that had stood out. It left his navel completely bare, a drip of water rolled down it soaking into the top of his pajama bottoms. Will’s eyes following it.

“I didn’t want to intrude.”

“Not at all, you’re living here now too.”

“I only have a week of suppressants left; you’ll have to get me a new prescription.” 

Will had thought he wouldn’t need them, from what he had understood the last time they talked Matthew wouldn’t be able to have children anymore, but they hadn’t had a real conversation in almost four years. 

“I didn’t know you still needed them.”

The side of Matthew’s lips quirked up and it was the first real smile he had seem since he arrived. 

“Unless you want me to go into heat.” 

Will almost choked on the whiskey, the memories of his last heat had faded but he still remembered how it felt to knot him. It was harder to forget everything while Matthew was standing in front of him. 

“I’ll make an appointment tomorrow.”

Matthew took a few steps into the room, walking to the picture that Molly had given him. It was their first real date. They had taken Willy skating at Christmas, and there had been a photographer. She had given it to him framed almost a full month later the three of them bundled up and smiling. 

“She has a son.”

Matthew’s voice was soft as he spoke. It wasn’t a question, but Will answered it anyway.

“Yes.”

“That’s good, you guys look happy. You’d make a good father.”

He had never heard his own words repeated back to him. Will wanted to change the topic; he didn’t want to have to talk about it with Matthew. Things still felt strange between them even with all the time, as if it everything had just happened. It may have been the lack of closure they had had, but he felt himself wanting to avoid talking about Willy with Matthew. 

“Would you like a drink?”

Matthew shook his head and a few stray droplets of water escaped his hair. 

“No thank you, I should go to sleep.”

Matthew stayed in the doorway like he wanted to say something, but after a while he finally just left. 

It was a relief, he hadn’t realised how much it would affect him. He’d thought he had moved on, but seeing Matthew brought back all the feelings he had tried to supress. 

He’d respected Matthew when he said he didn’t want to see him, he’d understood how much he had let Matthew down. Will couldn’t imagine he would have felt different if he was in Matthews place. He had failed him. He hadn’t been there when Matthew had needed him. 

Will tried to shake off the feeling, walking over to his phone and picking it up. He dialed Molly’s number, preparing to tell her about how the day went. They had met shortly after he had moved here, and helped him start to feel like a human again. For a long time Molly was his friend, and then after a few years she was more.

She would be curious how it had went, and it would be good to hear her voice. To think about something other than the omega upstairs.


	3. Chapter 3

Matthew woke up feeling less rested than when he went to sleep, it was weird being on his own mattress again. At first he felt disoriented, the whole place looking different than he was used to. When he looked at the clock he saw that he had slept in. 

He was just in his pajama bottoms, his clothing from the day before on the floor. He remembered picking them out with Will, trying to find something loose enough that it would fit over a large belly, and he was glad that the first day was over. It seemed like everything was a reminder of what they could have had.

Matthew hadn’t really believed it would be hard to come back and live in the same house as Will, but now that he knew better he could adjust. It would be two years before he could move out on his own, it would give him time to start saving up again, although he was sure that the price Will got for his apartment was probably waiting for him in a bank account. 

If Will would also get him a working licence he was sure he could find a job and be ready to buy a new place when his probation was up. 

He grabbed the first t-shirt in the drawer, pulling it on and bumbling down to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. 

It was strange to be able to cook his own food, and his mind felt blank as he tried to pick what to eat.

The good thing about eating late was that there was no one there and he was able to look through the fridge without interruption. He ended up cracking a few eggs and leaning on the stove while it cooked. 

When the child walked into the room he stared at him, taking a few seconds before he recognised the child from the photo. The messy blond hair and the big blue eyes stood making him look younger than his height would have Matthew believe. He guessed his age was around seven.

He felt frozen, not sure if he should leave or stay and talk. 

“Who are you?”

“I’m Matthew, I live upstairs.”

The child looked thoughtful at his answer.

“Will doesn’t let me go upstairs.”

He came towards Matthew looking in the pan to see what he was cooking and Matthew backed up to give him space.

“What’s your name?”

“Will, but mom always calls me Willy when we are with Will.”

The child didn’t sound like he liked that very much, and for some reason Matthew found it endearing.

“Well then why don’t we call him Mr. Graham, then you get to be Will.”

That managed to get a big smile and he found himself grinning right back. They were still sharing the smile when Will came into the room looking surprised to see him. He paused where he was, his head turning to peak back through the doorway until he was joined by a thin blond beta. She gave him a warm smile, but he didn’t miss how she put her hands on Willy and pulled him back against her. 

He supposed that meant that Will had told her all about him, but it still bothered him that someone would think he would hurt a child. Maybe he just wasn’t used to being around so many people yet, so he ducked his head for once, letting himself play omega to take the pressure off.

“I’m almost finished Mr.Graham, I’ll get out of your way.” 

He looked at Willy and couldn’t help but smirk at the kid.

“You don’t have to leave.”

Will paused and he could see he was unsure how to make the situation seem normal.

“This is Molly and Willy.” 

“Will already introduced himself to me, but it’s nice to meet you Molly.” 

He didn’t bother hold out his hand; he didn’t want to make the situation more uncomfortable. Matthew understood, she didn’t want someone who attempted to murder another person around her son. He couldn’t blame her, but it made him wonder how much she knew about Will. 

“We were just going to grab something for lunch, you two can go sit down, and I’ll bring something out.”

Will said, helping to ease any tension. 

With Molly out of the room it still felt a little strange, having Will beside him going through the fridge. He knew he would have to get used to having him around, but it was too new for him not to notice every move Will made. 

Even in February it wasn’t that cold and Will was wearing only a t-shirt tucked into his slacks, leaving his arms mostly bare. It wasn’t so long ago that he couldn’t remember the feeling of his skin under his fingers. 

Will caught him looking and he stared at the eggs, wishing that his pale skin wouldn’t show his cheeks heating up.

“It’s weird for me too. It’ll just take some time.”

Matthew nodded, moving the eggs around the pan. 

“Could you put some bread in the toaster?”

After pushing the bread down Will moved beside him, and it felt like he was purposefully moving in his space. 

“I booked your doctor’s appointment, it’s in two days.” 

A hand rested on his shoulder, and when he turned his head Will was surprisingly near. He wasn’t sure if he was just so used to having his own room his own distance except when he was being moved in the hospital, or if Will meant to be so close.

“Ahh, good.”

“I wanted you to know that I already set up a licence for you so if you want to work you can. If you don’t want to I have your saving set up in a side account. We can get you a bank card after your appointment.”

He didn’t need Will’s empathy to know that this was an apology, a clumsy one, but one none the less. Matthew just wanted to move past what had happened between them so he could forget it. The fact that they had never dealt with what was between them made everything feel uncomfortable. 

“I would like to work, I need to get used to being out again.”

There was an awkward silence and he was relieved to see his eggs were cooked enough to eat.

He scraped them onto the plate, putting the pan aside, planning to wash it later when Will wasn’t there. The toast was still cooking but he didn’t care, he took when out and was pleased to see they were a light brown.

“I’ll be fine eating in my room.”

The hand on his back slipped off and Will gave him room to breathe. 

“If you want to look for work I don’t mind if you use my computer.”

“Thank you.”


	4. Chapter 4

The appointment had gone better than he had expected, they got in on time and the doctor made no comments over getting a new prescription. Matthew would be able to get his suppressants without having to worry about it. 

The bank took a little longer, and Matthew had ended up waiting in the car. It was actually a relief that they weren’t together for a while. He knew he would be his main caretaker and it made him see how badly he needed to get Matthew to work on getting a driving licence. 

When he got back in Matthew was slumped against the door, looking like he was napping. Will knew he was just pretending to get out of having another conversation, but he let him. 

He felt like he couldn’t stop looking at him, when Matthew was in the room it was hard to notice anything else. 

Matthew seemed more like an omega now; the sparse facial hair was completely gone now, leaving soft hairs that he only noticed when he was standing too close. Will also noticed that he still would catch Will’s eyes, but now he often looked down first. Will was sure it was more due to wanting to avoid his gaze than the need to be submissive, but it still affected him. 

There were other things he noticed. The purposeful way Matthew moved was more exaggerated now, as if he was used to telegraphing the way he moved so that the guards knew he wasn’t trying to cause trouble. 

The years had worn him down and left him withdrawn with dulled edges. Matthew was no longer the one that smiled so easily. 

Will felt the weight of the changes on his shoulders and was glad when they pulled in the driveway. 

Even though he knew it was just pretend he used the excuse to reach out and touch Matthew’s shoulder, gently shaking him.

“Matthew, we’re home.”

Matthew stretched in his seat and looked over at him through hooded eyes. The sleepy look on his face suited him. 

“Thank you for driving me Mr. Graham.”

The name bothered him, he’d noticed the change after Molly had visited and he wondered if it was a way for Matthew to distance himself. That day had been awful; Molly had ended up leaving early because of how distracted he was over having Matthew in his house. He’d promised to make it up to her by taking her fishing with Willy this weekend, but now he wished he could use that time to start working on getting Matthew mobile on his own. 

“You can call me Will; we’ll be living together for quite a while.”

Matthew scrunched up his nose, looking adorable for a moment while he thought it over. Will looked away; trying to push down any reaction he had to Matthew. 

“I like Mr. Graham better.”

“Can we compromise with just Graham?”

The door opened and he followed suit slipping out and locking it up. 

“I guess I could do that.” 

They walked side by side and as much as he had been wanting to end the discomfort he found himself wanting to spend more time with the omega. Without thinking he opened his mouth again. 

“What would you think about looking for a bike?”

Will had sold Matthew’s old one when he moved, the motorcycle was getting old so it wasn’t much of a loss. Matthew perked up, his head coming up to actually meet Will’s eyes.

“That would be great.”

He liked to see the light in his eyes and he waved at the door.

“Why don’t I get my computer and we can see if we can find something you like.”

“Great, I’ll grab something to drink.”

Matthew actually walked close to him and he could feel that he was excited. Most of the time Matthew blocked him out, and it was times like this that he felt soothed. He felt only a hint of guilt over his cravings to be around Matthew. 

Things were slightly tense with Molly since Matthew had arrived and he understood why. He tried to reassure her, but it always felt flat. They had been friends for almost three years before their first date; she knew that he was distracted, and that his mind wasn’t with her lately. 

When he had first moved he had been a mess, staying at work for long hours to avoid going back to an empty home. They had met on the beach not far from his place when he was running his dogs and Willy had attached to him. He’d found out that her mate had passed away and had offered to help out. She hadn’t really needed it, but Will felt like she could be as lonely as him so he spent a few weeks working on her roof and helping out in her garden.

It was another distraction at first, and then it changed into friendship. Although he never fully explained what had happened between him and Matthew she understood that he had a mate, but that they weren’t together. When he had asked her out he thought that Matthew was all in his past, even with the upcoming probation.

Now he was wondering if he was just trying to convince himself that he was done with his mate, because having Matthew in front of him made him see how much he wasn’t. It had taken him a long time before he could get through a night without thinking about Matthew, without missing him. He’d always wondered if he should have stayed and tried harder to convince Matthew that he wanted him even if they couldn’t have a baby. 

There was another flop of guilt and he tried to pull himself together. 

As soon as they were inside Matthew disappeared into the kitchen and Will found his laptop. He brought it to the couch, knowing that Matthew would have to press into his side to sit down but that it was their only real option. 

Matthew came back into the room, a tumbler of whisky in his hand.

“I hope you don’t mind.”

Will shook his head; he’d never even seen Matthew drink before.

“Not at all.”

There was a pause before Matthew tucked himself in beside him and he could feel the warm line of his body. 

As they went through the ads Matthew slowly fit himself better into his side, loosening up as he finished his drink. It felt right to have Matthew next to him again and with the distraction of a new motorcycle the tension between them had faded. 

The disappointment he felt when they finished made him realise how much he needed to pull back. He was in a relationship, even if he still cared for Matthew this wasn’t the time for it.


	5. Chapter 5

Matthew woke up to a phone call, one of his resumes finally getting him an interview. It was later in the day and he took his time to get dressed. 

He didn’t have a ton of clothing, and it took a while before he found an outfit that was nice enough. It was just customer service at a garden supply center, mostly answering the phone and taking orders, but it was something. 

In the end he had settled on jeans with a dress shirt, button down sweater and tie. It was casual enough to match with the workplace and nice enough for an interview.

Matthew had hoped for Will to drive him, but he was still gone when time was getting close and he ended up finding enough money around the house for the taxi drive. His bank card still in the mail. Matthew left a note with the address just in case he got home before Matthew finished. 

It had been a while since he had tried to get a job and with his prison record his choices were limited. In the end he picked a few front desk jobs as a good way to dip his toes in the water. 

He felt a small bit of anxiety on the drive but once he was there he found it enjoyable. He ended up chatting with the boss for almost half an hour and was offered the job before he even left. 

It felt fantastic to be have a place to fit in, even if it wasn’t anything special. He was feeling good enough that he was still smiling when he left the building and saw Will. 

“You came to get me.”

His surprise was evident in his voice, but so was his pleasure at having to not have to get another taxi and use of the last of the cash. 

“I saw your note, I thought maybe we could go grocery shopping, the fridge is looking a little sparse.”

He walked around the side of the car and got in, still on a high of getting a job offer on his first interview.

“Sounds good.”

Once he was buckled in Will began the drive. Matthew was feeling better than he had in a long time and didn’t even realise he was humming until he heard a soft laugh from Will. 

“Sorry.”

“No I like it.”

It felt strange now and he lapsed into silence, thinking about the fact that he would need to buy more clothing. Not much, maybe another pair of jeans and a few shirt.

“So how did it go?”

Will’s voice surprised him out of his head and he looked over. 

“Good, I got the job.”

“Congratulations.”

Will actually sounded happy for him and he leaned against the door, his smile back on his face.

“I took the money on your dresser, you can take a hundred out of my account next time you are at the bank.” 

“No, it’s fine, I should have given you something to hold you over until your card arrived.”

For once the silence wasn’t awkward as they finished the drive. There wasn’t the heaviness that always hung over their every conversation. 

It was the first time Matthew really felt like he was getting a new start. 

There was only a little bit of fumbling before they got out and got a cart. Matthew took over it, leaning on the bar and pushing it. 

It was a small thing, but having control over the small things made everything else a little easier. It was strangely enjoyable to be able to pick out fresh fruit and produce. Something he could eat without it being either boiled to death or cooked so much it fell apart in his mouth. 

He picked things he could bring for lunches, making light conversation over missing having real food. As they were checking out Will mentioned that he remembered how bad the hospitals food was and Matthew grinned at him. 

“Try eating there for more than a few months.”

Will heard the huff of a scoff. 

“I’m not as strong as you, I couldn’t do it.”

Matthew stole a glance at him, watching as he moved to the cashier and paid. His cheeks were only slightly scruffy, nothing like he had been before, but he looked centered. 

It was a look Will had never had when they were together, he was always haunted by Hannibal, and when he came back he was haunted by his death. He no longer had that look, but he’d noticed he hadn’t felt a single nightmare since he had returned. 

Matthew let Will load the cart himself and pay without getting in the way.

“What are you looking at?”

The question was light and teasing and he knew he was caught again. 

“You’ve changed a lot.”

He replied honestly, wondering in Will saw changes in him as well. 

“Not as much as you’d think.” 

Will was brushing off the complement, he’d never been comfortable taking one, but Matthew pushed on.

“I think you just don’t see it.”

There was a hint of the old Will, unable to accept it. 

“You always saw things in me that I never could.” 

Matthew didn’t know what to say to that, the day had a closeness he hadn’t shared with Will in a long time. He tried to brush it off, tell himself he was just moving on.


	6. Chapter 6

“I wouldn’t mind if you invited him.”

“Hmm?”

Will looked up at Molly as he picked out a rod for her. He’d promised to take them both fishing. 

“Matthew. I don’t mind if you invite him.” 

Will’s brows drew down; he had been trying to keep them separate, feeling strange about bringing Molly around Matthew. He wasn’t sure if it was because of how he would feel or how she might. It had taken a while before she had felt assured that what had happened between him and his mate was over and that this wasn’t going to be a quick fling before his mate returned. Maybe it was just because he couldn’t ignore the attraction he felt just to be around Matthew, but it didn’t feel right to bring Matthew. 

“I realised that he’d going to be a part of our lives for the next few years. Willy seemed to like him, and you know how he always gets bored after half an hour, it might be good for both of them.”

Will chewed on his lip, he wasn’t sure if this was because he brought up that Matthew acted like a ghost in the house, Molly had a good heart. It was part of what attracted him to her. The same thing that had attracted him to Matthew while the omega was caring for him. 

He rubbed the scar on his gut and he thought about how Matthew used to carefully run his fingers over the scar.

“Wouldn’t that be a bit weird?”

He didn’t have to look at her to know she was giving him as exasperated look. 

“It’ll be weirder if we avoid him for the next two years.”

“If you think it’s the right thing to do, you can ask while I get the rods ready.”

Molly’s laugh brought his full attention to her; she had the warm smile that he always gave into. 

“You can ask him while I get the rods ready.”

The statement was not one to be argued with and he felt the awkwardness just at the thought. He would have used Willy as a shield if he wasn’t outside with the dogs. There was no excuse for him to drag Willy inside just to ask Matthew if he wanted to come along. 

Instead he steeled himself and made his way upstairs. Will wasn’t sure if it was a good idea, but he knew Molly was right, this wasn’t something that could be avoided forever. It was better to make Matthew feel included and welcome than to exclude him until his probation finished. 

He stood outside his door for a while, reaching out through their bond and trying to feel what Matthew was feeling. There was the same nothingness that was there since they parted, and so he raised his hand and knocked. 

“Come in.”

Will opened the door and peaked in. Matthew was lounging on his bed, wearing only his pajama bottoms and an undershirt. He had a book laid beside him with his hand still in the pages to keep his place. 

“Molly and Willy were hoping you could join us fishing.” 

Matthew was quiet at first and he wasn’t sure if it was a mistake, so he added to it. 

“I’d like it too.”

“I’m not one for fishing, but I wouldn’t mind staying on the bank and reading outside. Might be good to get a little sun.”

Matthew only looked politely interested, but it was a start. It would probably take a while before he felt like he fit in. 

“Great. Molly brought lunch; you can stay on the blanket.”

Matthew nodded and Will left the room, wanting to give Matthew time to change and get ready. 

*

Matthew’s laughter stole his attention again, Willy’s childish giggles following. As always half an hour in Willy had gotten bored and joined Matthew on the shore. Matthew at first had set down his book and they had talked and walked around the area for a while. Both Willy and Matthew had found a stick and had poked along the shore. 

After they had all had lunch and Will and Molly returned to the water they had ended up sitting on the blanket and he was sure that Matthew was reading to him. 

Willy was smiling and Matthew was glowing like he had never seen before. Will had never really thought that Matthew would like being around children despite the fact that they almost had their own. Seeing him with Willy made his chest feel tight, but he couldn’t stop watching. 

Whatever it was it seemed that Willy seemed to be enjoying it. 

Matthew’s smile was what really drew him in, his face lighting up. It was the first time he looked like the same omega he had known. It was a look that used to grace his face much more often.

Will felt Molly’s hand on his arm and he looked over. 

“You’re distracted.”

He felt conflicted as he looked at her, feeling guilt at the mix of feels that came up when he looked at Matthew. 

“I don’t want Willy to get bored, we should go in. Not catching anything today anyway.”

He lied, knowing that he was going to have to talk to her. They talked about everything; it was part of what had saved him, other than Matthew and Hannibal no topics were off limits. Will hadn’t expected to care about Matthew so much, but even after all this time he was drawn to him. 

“Right.”

He could tell from her tone that they would be talking later that night after Willy was in bed and he felt relief that she could read him. 

Will reeled in and held her hand as they walked out of the slough, using each other to keep their balance. 

He gave it a light squeeze before letting go. 

When they got closer he could make out the words that Matthew was saying and it was nothing to do with the book he was holding. It quickly occurred to him that Matthew was making up the story.

“Willy, let’s go home and clean up.” 

The kid gave a groan and got up. 

“We can finish the story another time.”

Matthew offered, the bright smile dimmed now. 

“I’ll see you for dinner?”

Molly directed the question to him and he nodded. 

“Can Matthew come too mom?”

Before she had to answer Matthew cut in. 

“I can’t today, I have to prepare for work tomorrow.” 

Will saw it for what it was, Matthew opting out before he could be excluded. Matthew gently ruffled Willy’s hair before crouching down and starting to pack the things Molly had brought back into the backpack. 

“It’s no trouble.”

Molly stopped Matthew and Will could feel the return of awkwardness between the two of them. Will knew it was best to get some distance and he took the rod from Molly. The rest of the fishing equipment he could get from her later. 

“I’ll bring something to drink.”

Matthew followed him after he gave Molly a quick hug and a peck on the cheek. 

The walk back to the house was quiet at first, but as soon as Molly and Willy were out of sight he couldn’t help but say something. 

“You were really great with Willy. Thank you.”

Matthew gave him a tight smile and waved his hand. Even though he was guarded it was nice to see that Matthew was opening up. 

“He’s a great kid.” 

“I hope today wasn’t too weird.”

This time Matthew didn’t brush off his words. 

“Honestly everything feels strange. I got used to the routine of the hospital, my days here seem formless. I am sure it will just take time.”

Will had only had a month in the hospital; there hadn’t been time yet for it to be ground into him. 

“If there is anything I can do let me know.”


	7. Chapter 7

The morning was his favourite time. He would lay in bed and concentrate of his breathing. Matthew would feel the air filling every part of his lungs and the way that relaxation moved through his body all the way down to his fingers and toes. 

The air was clean and had the crispness to it from the window being open all night. There was only a small hint of Will’s scent that seemed to permeate the entire house. 

There was calm, the feeling of freedom as he stretched out and wigged his feet. 

He arched his back and sat up, looking around the room. It was a good size and his closet was half empty with his few belonging. The dog still sat at the table but it no longer sent a jolt through his chest when he saw it. Even though it came with a dull ache it felt good to remember, to think about the hope and nervousness he felt. It echoed the feelings he had now, starting out again, for the first time publicly accepting his status as an omega. 

It was just another part that made the room feel like it really was his own. 

Only when every muscle was stretched did he slip out of bed, picking out appropriate clothing for his first day of work. He picked something similar to what he wore to the interview, dressing in it slowly to give himself time to get comfortable. 

Matthew found since his omega hormones had returned the feeling of clothing often bothered him more and he now preferred things that hung soft against his skin. 

By the time he went downstairs he was feeling prepared for work. 

The scent of cooking eggs and toast wafted through the downstairs as he made his way to the kitchen.

“Morning.” 

He was greeted as soon as he entered, and it took a second to take in the sight that Will made. The table was set for two and there was toast in the toaster and a pan of scramble that looked to be filled with vegetables and sausage. 

Will was wearing an undershirt that was covered in dark stains, and ratty old sweatpants, but even in those he looked good with how the shirt pulled just a little over his chest. 

“Good morning.”

Matthew mumbled back, not sure if some of the food was his. 

“You are just in time. Sit down and I’ll bring it over.”

Matthew obeyed and sat, letting himself relax into the chair and not react to the fact that his alpha was providing food for him. It was a normal courting gesture and even though he knew better it ruffled his feathers making him feel a little flustered.

He wasn’t sure if the way Will was trying to make things easier actually helped or if it made it more confusing.

As soon as the food was scripted onto his plate and the toast lay down he started to pick at it slowly, not sure if he should eat before Will sat. It felt more comfortable when he was joined and he found himself enjoying the food. He’d never known Will was a good cook, the last time they had been together Will had been too injured at first and then later he had still been worried over his wound.

“I think this is the first time you’ve cooked for me.” 

Will jerked his head up, and he could almost see that he was thinking it over. After a few seconds he got a small smile pulling on the corner of his lips.

“I should probably apologise for that. I wasn’t a very good mate.”

Will kept smiling but his voice belied his expression. 

Matthew ate in silence for a while, not sure how to respond. Will had been what he wanted, he hadn’t cared that Will hadn’t cooked for him, or done most of the things an alpha should. He had just wanted to be with Will. 

Will may have not loved him in return, but he understood him and he had been supportive. Even though he could have, Will never forced him into anything. He had just done what he could to make Matthew more comfortable despite it not being an ideal situation for either of them. 

At the end Matthew really thought that Will cared for him a great deal, but he wasn’t going to allow himself to think of the last day they had spent together. Not when he was determined to move on like Will had.

When they finished Will took his plate and put them in the washer. 

“I already called about the bikes you liked. After work we go check most of them out.”

Matthew felt his eyebrows rise and he turned to look at Will. 

“Sure.”

Will was searching his face as he tried to hide his surprise. They hadn’t spoken about it since they looked at the ads, at some point he has assumed that Will had forgotten. While he lacked a licence he hadn’t seen the rush. It would take a while since his old driving licence was invalid because of his faked status of beta printed on it. Although his age saved him from having to get a learners permit, he would still have to go through the programs as if he had never driven before.

“I should have asked first.”

“Yes, but it might be nice to get out of the house.”

“Good.”

“If you set up my driving courses you want to give me a little more warning?”

Matthew teased, unable to help himself from taking a jab at Will. It had the effect he wanted and he heard Will’s bark of a laugh. 

“I thought you were going to set that up yourself.”

“Because I didn’t get it before I was mated now my alpha has to set it up.”

He could see Will tense at calling him his alpha. He regretted the words as soon as he said them. The morning had just felt so natural and it had slipped out. 

“I’ll set it up on my lunch hour.”

“Thank you.”

The solemn feeling was back around them, and Matthew took a deep breathe trying to let out the tension that was building inside him.


	8. Chapter 8

Will was still feeling sore from the last time he had seen Molly. They had had dinner and after Willy had gone to bed they had had a tumbler of whiskey together. Dread hung over them when she brought up Matthew and the distance she had been feeling from him. 

He’d tried to explain that it wasn’t purposeful, that it was hard to put everything behind him, but Molly could see through him, see that he was torn between the two of them. 

When she said that it wasn’t fair to her or to himself, he knew what was coming. She’d suggested a break until Will could figure out what he wanted. They would still have their normal weekly friendly visits so that nothing was a shock to Willy. He had been caring for him long before they had started seeing each other, and neither of them felt that it needed to end now. 

Even if they did end up breaking up Will still wanted to help out like he always had, watch Willy for a few hours while she went shopping. Help her clean her eves because she disliked the height, or even sit on the beach with a flask of alcohol while Willy played in the water. Two months of dating couldn’t erase their friendship. That was deeper than that.

He’d wanted to deny everything and try and keep building on the life that they were starting but he knew better. Until he figured out what he wanted with Matthew he would always be distracted and Molly didn’t deserve that. After a few slow kisses he had agreed and on the walk home he had felt alone again.

Will understood what was between him and Matthew was probably done, Matthew was the one to tell him to move on, but there were things that they had never dealt with, and until he knew that it really was over he couldn’t let go. The way that Matthew’s gaze sometimes lingered over him or the bright smiles he would sometimes give still struck him. He couldn’t truly move on.

Maybe it was why he had bought the motorcycle. 

As they had looked at motorcycles and he had seen Matthew light up, he knew he wanted to see that expression more often. He also knew that the feeling he had been trying to deny were real, and they weren’t going away.

As soon as he bought it he knew had known it was a mistake, but that didn’t stop him from bringing it home and putting it the small barn that sat on his property. 

It had been the one Matthew liked the most, but the price was a bit high for the amount of work it would need to start running smoothly. 

Since his lessons were booked for the next week they would have time to get it running smoothly before Matthew had to use it on a daily basis.

Will’d thought maybe they could fix it together, that way he could spend time with Matthew in a situation that was new to their relationship. It wouldn’t have the old memories hanging over it. He needed that to know if his feeling were real or if it was just memories that made his heart speed up.

He didn’t let himself worry over it any longer, knowing he had to pick Matthew up, so he covered it with an old sheet and left the barn. 

During the drive his mind was on Matthew, and if this was a bad idea. His hands were wet with sweat and the drive felt twice as long as it had that morning.

He parked outside the office, and waited. Despite how it felt, Will had rushed and he was early. 

Will leaned his seat back and thought over the last week and a half that Matthew had lived with him. It was like the second he walked in the door everything had changed. At night sometimes he lay in his bed and reached out through their bond, feeling that Matthew wasn’t happy. That was the only time he could feel anything from him and it kept him up to know that Matthew was struggling since he got out of the hospital. 

He should be thinking about Molly, but Matthew was in his head. He rubbed his hand over his face and looked out the window. 

Matthew finally came into view but he seemed completely oblivious to the fact he was there. He was looking at the man walking beside him; he had a smile like he had when he was playing with Willy. The kind that lit up his face. 

Will felt his brows draw down and a small spark of jealously only further annoyed him. 

He opened the door and walked across the lot until he was in front of them. It only bothered him more as he could smell the alpha on the other man, he had to push down the urges, and it was just his alpha side being protective over its mate.

At least at this close the other alpha would be able to smell how close Will and Matthew’s scents were, that they were mated. 

“Ready to go?”

Matthew turned the smile on him and it took a few breaths before it dimmed. 

“Of course.” 

As they walked back to the car Matthew tossed a goodbye over his shoulder promising lunch the next day. 

Will tried to ignore it, his alpha rolling and wanting to mark Matthew before the next day. 

“I have a surprise for you.”

Will said, hoping that conversation would help distract him from his alpha urges. 

“Oh?”

Matthew looked intrigued, and got in the passenger’s side. 

“Are you telling me now, or is this a surprise I am going to have to see.”

It felt like if he made Matthew wait it would be almost like a romantic gesture. It was better to just tell him now. 

“I got the motorcycle you wanted. I figure I owe you, and I can help you get it up and running before you get your licence.”

“Really? You really didn’t need to.”

“I wanted to.”

Matthew had the hint of a smile back, and Will watched him settle back into his seat a little more. Getting the smile out of Matthew no matter how small started to settle back his alpha side and he loosened his grip on the steering wheel as they pulled out of the parking lot. 

“We can start on it tonight if you would like.”

“I would like that.”

His voice reflected his words, and Will heard warmth, one that he had missed.


	9. Chapter 9

Matthew was feeling flustered, they had been working together on the motorcycle in their shared free time. Will was only at Molly’s one night, so after work he would they would go to the barn and start trying to get it to run. It seemed like he had been so much more attentive since he had last visited Molly and it was strange.

While he was glad that he was going to have a little more freedom, it was hard on his nerves. Will had lent him his clothing so that it wouldn’t matter if it was covered in grease but it meant that the whole time he smelled like Will. 

Even if he wasn’t still struggling to bury any feeling he may have had, the scent was enough to feel intoxicating. With the awkward moments where their hands brushed by accident or when they lingered each time Will passed him something it was enough that he was glad when he could use the excuse that he needed to go to bed for work. 

Today he didn’t have that excuse, it was the weekend, and they both shared the one day off. If Will hadn’t left to go get a few parts they were missing and some oil he would have had no break since they woke up. It was enough to make his stomach feel knotted with confusion. 

Even if the last few years didn’t exist he wasn’t sure he would want to give into any of his old feelings that were starting to flare up again. 

One of the drivers at his work had befriended him on the first lunch he spent there and as soon as he found out that Will wasn’t truly his mate he had started making courting gestures. The last two days of the week he had brought Matthew lunch and for once Matthew was at least mildly interested. 

He wasn’t like Will, someone who could see right through him, and make him feel desperate to have him, but it was something to hold onto. If he hadn’t been struggling with his feeling for Will all over again he’s not sure he would have paid that much attention, but the man was another new start. At least something Matthew felt like he owed himself to try. 

He was still wool gathering over the thought when he heard the door. 

“I brought dinner. I figured we needed a break.” 

He couldn’t see Will but he was almost sure it would be pizza. It would have been fast enough. Matthew wished he had known though so he could have showered and changed. Got the scent of Will from his skin.

“Great, I’ll grab the plates.”

He busied himself with grabbing dishes and putting them on the table. Keeping his back to Will was hard, it was ground into him to never show anyone his back, but he knew that Will wouldn’t hurt him and it allowed him to steady himself. 

“No need, let’s eat on the couch.” 

Matthew paused, his hands on the plates. The couch would mean they would be sitting close. 

His throat felt tight as he swallowed and he took a second to see that there was no reason not to agree. 

“Alright.” 

He stacked the plates up and held the forks and knives on with his thumb and set them on the counter. 

As he entered the living room he saw that he was right, Will was already seated in his spot and holding the box on his lap.

He had to shift it for Matthew to sit down, and he tried to force himself to relax, he didn’t want Will to smell his nerves. It would only make things awkward, and even though it was stressful the day had been going well. 

“I hope you don’t mind pepperoni and salami. I realised that I didn’t know what you liked and I figured this was safest.”

Matthew gave him a reassuring smile and opened up the box. It did look good, and he was hungry enough that his stomach made a noise. 

“That’s fine, thank you.” 

The pizza was still hot, but he took a bite anyway wanting to fill his mouth and stall more awkward conversation. It was worth the burns in his mouth. 

He was still trying to find his footing around Will, who only seemed be getting friendlier with every passing day. 

Only after he got through the piece with no conversation did he start to relax, slumping back into the loveseat and grabbing another piece. Matthew was only just licking his fingers clean when Will set the box on the small coffee table and turned. 

Because of the small space it meant that Will was pressed up against him. 

When he wiped a hand on the sweatpants Will took his hand and he almost jerked it away. Will covered his hand with the other one. They had hardly ever held hands, even when they were first mated and never like this. 

He could feel how rough Will’s hands were now; they were not soft as they had once been from deskwork. He looked at how close the size was to his own hands. 

The room felt eerily still as they sat together. 

“Matthew, I know things have been strained since you came back, but I want that to change.” 

Matthew licked his lips, finding it hard to talk. He started to pull his hand back, but Will’s grip tightened. He didn’t want to struggle so he tried to relax into it, maybe it would be better if they cleared the air, but his anger was still wet and full of emotion. If Will wanted to talk about what had happened before he knew he couldn’t do it yet. 

“It’ll just take time right?”

It was slightly dismissive and he hoped Will would take the hint. Will’s thumb caressed his palm and a shiver ran down his spine. 

“Since you’ve been back I notice how you look at me sometimes and I know what you’re thinking because I have been thinking the same thing.”

His stomach felt tight and the two pieces of pizza he had eaten sat like a lump. Matthew wanted to keep going like they were, he wasn’t sure he could deal with more. He’d hardly gotten used to being an omega before he was put back into the hospital, since he’d gotten out he was just started to adjust. It was too much to add on the feelings that he had for Will and the hurt and anger he’d been able to keep down so far. 

“Will please don’t do this.”

Will wouldn’t meet his eyes and he knew his guess was correct. 

“I really want to try again. I want to have the chance to court you properly this time.”

Matthew knew his hand between Will’s was shaking and he pulled it back. Will was too close to think, but there was no place he could really run that he could fully escape Will’s scent. 

“You have Molly now and a new life, I don’t fit in here anymore.”

Will shook his head, and leaned in. Matthew could feel his heart racing and he knew if he wanted to stay unemotional he was going to have to leave soon. 

He didn’t want to think about how he had felt when Will hadn’t listened to him and had just left, he’d been helpless. He never wanted to feel like that again and he couldn’t trust Will not to do it again.

“It’s over; I can’t be with someone else when I have to see you every day. I’m not asking for things to go back to how they were, I just want a chance to try again.”

There wasn’t enough air in the room and Matthew was sure that he could speak, not without saying something he’d regret. 

When he didn’t speak Will tried again. 

“If it doesn’t work out I won’t force you to do anything.”

“Like you didn’t force me to go back to the hospital.”

The words dropped in between them and he wished he could take it back. He blinked a few times to keep his eyes clear and straightened his shoulders.

“I wish I hadn’t left you, but I don’t regret making sure that he would never come after us again.”

Matthew noticed how he carefully avoided Hannibal’s name, and he was glad that Will kept his gaze down so he couldn’t see the emotions that he couldn’t be pushed down.

“I’m not asking for a miracle, I just want to have a chance.”

“One chance.”

He could hear Will let out a breath, and he looked up for the first time. Matthew felt like a deer in headlights as Will met his eyes.

“May I kiss you?”

Matthew tried to keep himself together but he felt the edges fraying, the water springing up in his eyes as he thought about the last time he had kissed Will. 

If only to get out of there faster he pressed his lips to Will’s, getting only a hint of his taste as his tongue flicked out.

It was the taste of his alpha, one he’d missed.

A hand rested on his shoulder, and he pulled back.

“I’m feeling tired, I think I’m going to go to sleep.” 

Will’s thumb rubbed against his jaw but he didn’t seem to comment about the fact it was only four in the afternoon. 

“I’ll put the pizza in the fridge if you feel hungry later.”

“Alright.”

Matthew stood up, needing to be alone. 

He fled the room, knowing that he truly going there to hide. Once he was in the bedroom he didn’t know what to do. 

Matthew didn’t feel open to trying again, he felt tired. In the stress of the moment he’d forgotten about his flirtation at work, now that it was coming back to him it only made him feel even more exhausted. 

There was a dread that hung over him, worry that he would lose himself in Will, or worse that they would try and never be able to get past what had happened. 

He sat on the bed and looked over at the little dog sitting at his table. A reminder of one of the few good times they had had together. This time blinking didn’t keep his eyes clear; he wanted to tell Will how alone he felt after. Laying in the hospital struggling with a loss of a baby he hadn’t fully known he wanted until it was gone, and only hearing from him once every few days. He had desperately needed his mate and Will had abandoned him. 

He didn’t know how he could trust him again.


	10. Chapter 10

The last day of the weekend Will spent with Willy, they spent most of the time at the beach, collecting shells and then leaving them in a small pile together. It helped him forget about the trouble at home, let it absorb and get in some good time with someone he cared about. By the next morning he felt a little more together. 

Will knew that Matthew was unsure with the second start for their relationship, he felt that way himself. When Will had made him breakfast in the first steps of courting Matthew had blurted out that he was seeing someone. He had to calm his alpha side from reacting. 

It made him wonder if that was how Matthew was feeling when he was with Molly. It was strange to be still hurting from breaking it off with her and yet being so excited to be able to get a second chance Matthew. 

He could be throwing away his last chance to have a family, but it was about more than that. He had been able to date someone else only after year apart and as soon as Matthew was back he could no longer ignore that Matthew who he really wanted. Will couldn’t imagine not trying at least one more time, for both of them. Even the awkwardness didn’t keep him from seeing through Matthew. Not now that he was in front of him again. 

At first Matthew had seemed so different, but he was starting to see the same omega that had cared for him while he was healing. The one he has thought about spending the rest of his life with. 

Instead he of expressing any of the feelings Will had just responded that they didn’t have to be exclusive until Matthew felt comfortable with it. 

That had been enough to make Matthew relax, and the rest of breakfast had been pretty pleasant, Matthew had even smiled to himself while he ate. Will felt like he was fumbling, but he felt like he didn’t know how else to start how to get past what had happened between them. 

He’d never really courted anyone before, he’d had a few people he had dated but Matthew had been the only one who had even gotten serious. At the time he hadn’t even wanted it, but slowly he had fallen for Matthew and the omega had already been willing. He tried to think of everything had been taught, but his mind was fairly blank on the subject. 

The whole day at work he has constantly went over all the gifts he could get him for courting and which he might actually like. In the end he had settled on sheets and pajamas. 

His work ended at the same time as Matthew’s so by the time he arrived Matthew was waiting outside the small office with the alpha he had seen before beside him. Will felt a tight feeling in his chest as he realised it was the same one who had been with him before. 

It was more than likely that this was the man that Matthew had mentioned that he was seeing. Will was hoping that he wouldn’t have to go over there and his hope was filled when Matthew noticed the car. 

Matthew still lingered a little longer, finishing his conversation before finally coming over to the car. 

Matthew knocked on the door before opening it up, taking his seat.

“Are you excited for your first day of class?”

Will teased trying to keep the mood light and pretend like he hadn’t seen the other alpha, or at least that he didn’t mind. 

“I would think you would be the excited one. Soon you won’t have to chauffeur me to work and back.”

“I actually like driving with you.”

It was true, he liked the feeling of his mate in the other side of the car, both of them together and normally in a comfortable silence. It was one of the few times that it felt right between them lately, there was no tension on the morning drive to work. 

As he started driving Matthew looked out the window, his expression thoughtful. 

“Would you mind meeting me up half an hour later? I want to pick up a few things.”

“Sure, but I wouldn’t mind picking up anything you might need.”

Matthew peeked over at him and he was sure he could see a faint flush on his cheeks.

“No. I’d rather pick them out myself.” 

Will nodded, it would give him more time to pick out a gift and if Matthew wanted a little time alone that would give him time to hide the gifts in the trunk. When he got home he could wait until Matthew retired to his room and scent the sheets and clothing. 

They were early and they parked in the lot. Matthew unbuckled his seat and leaned on the door. He used the time to try and reach out, maybe bright up dinner.

“Would you want to celebrate your new licence with me?”

Matthew turned to look at him, this time he didn’t look down, he met Will’s eyes. It was easy to tell what he was thinking. Matthew wanted to, but he was wary.

“I have a date on Wednesday.”

Will clenched his jaw and tried to let it flow off his back. It didn’t really work, but the annoyance wasn’t evident in his voice as he spoke.

“I was thinking about at the end of the week, maybe Friday.”

He saw Matthew’s nod and Will couldn’t keep meeting his eyes, he looked down first.

“Can we stay in?”

It might be better, he could prepare a proper meal for Matthew. Show him what he had learned about cooking the last few years, after they could curl up for a movie. It would be a good excuse to curl up together without putting any pressure on either of them. Will thought of how good it would be just to be able to wrap his arms around Matthew and feel the press of his omega. 

He didn’t even need anything more than to be able to hold Matthew for a while, to be able to smell him and feel him healthy and whole in his arms.

Maybe by the end of the night he would be able to find the words he wanted to say to Matthew. To tell him that he wished he hadn’t listened when Matthew told him to stop visiting, and much he had missed him. 

“Of course.”

He heard Matthew open the door and looked up, he was already half gone. 

“That’s the teacher. See you later.”


	11. Chapter 11

The scent was thick in the air, but it wasn’t intoxicating, the musk only made him want to have a shower so that he smelled like himself. This was part of it, he told himself, that he has to grin and bear it if he was going to try and date other people. The weeks after they had bonded changed him, he had become more in tune with Will’s scent. He just couldn’t enjoy this. He found himself wondering how Will could do it

Matthew gasped, arching his back trying to push into the feeling. It had never been this hard with Will, Will’d known through his bond how to move, what felt good. This was a struggle, constant shifting to try and find something that felt pleasurable just to have it disappear. It just made it more obvious that he wanted Will instead. 

Maybe it was the bonding, but nothing felt right, and the further they went the more he felt the need to leave. 

The date had been alright, Eric was kind, but constantly reminded him why he found most alpha’s abrasive. He was constantly trying to do everything for Matthew as if he was unable to do the smallest task. It was part of why he had liked Will. He wasn’t good at alpha posturing and it had always made Matthew feel like more of an equal. The few things Will did were normally because he wanted to actually do it, not because he was with an omega.

He finally pushed the alpha back from him, his leg starting to cramp from being pushed into the shifting rod. 

“I don’t think I can do this.” 

“Are you sure?”

He could feel how Eric wanted him, with his weight mostly on top of him, even through his jeans he could feel his cock pressing against his thigh. Not that he would have his first time with someone other than Will in the front seat of a car in the driveway.

It was like no matter who he was with he was out of his depth. He wasn’t used to being an omega, and had almost no experience with dating. Matthew had been too busy hiding what he was to even think about letting anyone in. He tried to tell himself that was why he was uncomfortable but deep inside he knew better. It was a waste of time as long as Will was in the picture. Even if he was angry, it didn’t mean his feeling for Will had disappeared.

Matthew might be a rebound, but Will had never made him feel like he was nothing more than an omega. 

Each touch only made him want his mate more and he didn’t know how Will had managed it. How he could have seen someone else for any amount of time. 

“I’m pretty sure.”

The weight shifted off him, and the hand slipped out of his pants. Matthew tucked himself back into them and zipped up before looking at the alpha again. 

“I’ll see you at work?”

“Lunch?”

“Yeah, I’ll bring it this time.”

Eric laughed and Matthew found himself frowning.

“No it’s okay, I want provide the food. You are my first omega.” 

Matthew’s need to have some room to breathe won out and he nodded and opened the door so he had more room to maneuver. 

“Alright, I’ll see you then.” 

“No goodnight kiss?”

“I think we already covered that.”

They shared a smile and Matthew was glad when he finally got out and started the walk to the house.

He knew it wasn’t going to work; he didn’t like the reminder that he was different. Matthew liked being able to forget that he was something rare. The more he thought about it the more he knew it wouldn’t work. It was just his first attempt at dating, but the experience had made his skin crawl, all of his senses telling him that this was wrong. 

Matthew would have to talk to him at work, tell him he couldn’t do it and it just added to the weight he had felt since he had been released. 

The dogs gave a few excited barks as he passed the kennel, and he paused to open the gate and give a few then a few pets before they settled. They were one of the few things that didn’t add to his confusion, he only ever felt good when he saw the dogs. Each one acting as if they hadn’t seen him in weeks. 

Matthew had missed them while he was in the hospital, their morning jogs together or the way they followed him around so he was never alone. 

He was feeling a little better after the greeting and he entered the house, noticing that most the lights were out. It was only then that he saw the windows were open to let in fresh air as it was still pleasantly warm outside.

Matthew could still smell the alpha on him, but he needed to check in with Will so that he would call his probation officer.

“Mr.Graham?”

He called out, listening for a response.

“We’re not going to start that again, are we?”

Despite himself Matthew smiled to himself at Will’s response. Will’s voice came from the living room and he walked to the doorway, looking in to see Will sitting in the darkness with a drink in his hand. He’d been sitting and waiting for him to return. 

“You can check me in.”

Will lifted up the glass and gave him a tight lipped smile. 

“I already did.”

“How did you know I would be back?”

“You have always been punctual.”

He stood there looking at Will, the way his hand wavered and how his eyes were heavily lidded. He could tell that Will was drunk and he was counting on it to find out what he was really thinking.

“Is it because I’m an omega, or because you just didn’t want to be alone?”

He could hear the sigh across the room and Will patted the seat beside him on the couch. 

Matthew almost didn’t go to him, but he was tired and he couldn’t continue to on like this. He needed to know where he stood. He said that he would give Will another chance and yet he had been holding back since he agreed. If he really wanted to continue he would have to open up to let Will start proving himself. 

He crossed the dark room and sat beside Will, not minding the smell of whiskey mixed with the musk of his alpha scent. It was pleasant and new. Will hadn’t been able to drink while he was healing. 

“You should know me better than that. Besides we both know having our own family’s not possible and that seems to be the only different between if you were an omega or a beta. If I wanted more than just you I would have stayed with Molly.” 

Will’s voice was almost toneless, but the void of emotion told him more than enough. Will was just as confused as he was about how to continue. It was that that kept Matthew from correcting him and telling him that he was fine once his hormones had finally evened out. 

“There could be other reasons.” 

“Because it feels good on my knot? Or this?” 

Matthew felt Will’s care pushed through their bond; it was laced with a hint of his own anger, something Matthew hadn’t felt from him before. 

“’This wouldn’t matter if I didn’t like you.”

Will reached out and slipped an arm around him, pulling him to his chest. Matthew let himself be moved to Will’s chest, slipping an arm around him in return. His chest felt tight as he heard the words for the first time. Will had never truly admitted that he liked him before and this wasn't how he thought he would hear it. 

“Why now?”

Will scoffed.

“You act like I never tried before.”

Matthew knew his slight abrasiveness was a way to keep himself safe, to push people away. It was what kept Matthew pushing, trying to get Will to talk while he was drunk enough to open up.

“You were the one who left.”

“And you refused to see me, I came back for _months_ and you wouldn't talk to me. What else was I supposed to do?”

Matthew felt the tightness getting worse, but despite the anger in Will’s words he felt the hand rubbing over his back. He hadn’t really expected it, Will might have been able to read him like a book, but he sometimes struggled to understand Will. Matthew returned his own; letting Will hear how much it affected him for the first time. 

“You were supposed to come back sooner.” 

“I was so close, and we’d lost so much, if I didn’t finish it would have been for nothing.”

“It wouldn’t have been for nothing, it would have been for me.”

He was feeling Will’s conflicting feeling, and he tightened his grip, hiding his face in his neck. 

“I’m tired of being angry.”

Matthew didn’t try and stop the wetness in his eyes. The wet anger dripping out of him as he let Will feel it through their bond. Other than the small hitches in his breath it was silent between them. 

He still wasn’t sure how he could trust Will, but as he stayed in the circle of his arms he knew that he was truly going to give him a second chance for himself.

Matthew took a deep breath of Will’s scent to calm him. There was still the mix of Eric from earlier, but it was Will’s that made his muscles relax. This is where he had wanted to be for so long. 

He felt the press of lips against the top of his head, but neither of them seemed willing to give up their hold. 

Matthew wasn’t sure how long they stayed there; before he knew he had to go to bed. He had work tomorrow and he couldn’t let his emotion hurt his new job. 

“We should go to bed.”

He could feel that Will was as resistant as he was; even in the shirt under his face was now damp. 

“If you don’t feel like going upstairs you can crash in my bed. We don’t have to do anything.”

The excuse was weak, but Matthew didn’t want to be alone either. Because he knew as soon as he was he was going to think of all that had happened between them. He just wanted to sleep with his mate beside him and forget for one night.

“I’d like that.” 

They parted slowly and Matthew followed Will to his bedroom. He hadn’t been inside it yet, although he had peaked in. There was the same bed he had had years before, but the mattress looked to be in better shape than the one they had slept on before. 

Will’s dark dresser was against the wall, and there was a bookcase with a few knickknacks sitting in front of the stuffed shelves. 

Will kept his back to Matthew as he undressed, stopping at his underwear before slipping into his bed. Matthew felt jittery, he didn’t have half a bottle of whiskey in his belly to help with the nerves, but he still managed. He left his t-shirt and boxer briefs on as he climbed in beside Will. 

His hands were shaking as he scooted closer, tossing a leg over Will’s and tucking into his back. Matthew stilled them by putting on over Will, and the other above his head. 

It was the first time in a long time that he felt like he was where he was meant to be.


	12. Chapter 12

Will’s tongue felt thick as he woke up, and the taste in his mouth made him reach for the glass of water on his nightstand. 

His took a deep drink and turned over, looking at Matthew splayed out on his bed. The blankets were down around his feet and his shirt was pulled up to show his abs. He felt like he was peeping and he grabbed the blanket and pulled them up to cover him. Matthew hardly moved, even though his belly had been showing. It proved that at least in his sleep he felt safe with his mate. 

Will felt tired and his head ached, but Matthew was still beside him, nothing else mattered. He didn’t even care that he could still smell the other alpha on Matthew, although it still bothered him. Will didn’t really want to think about Matthew going on another date; it had already frayed his nerves.

Plans on keeping Matthew content and busy started entering his mind, if he could better fulfill Matthew’s needs maybe he wouldn’t go on another date

He was tempted to call in to work and stay in bed all day. He wanted to go back to the days while Matthew stayed curled into his side while he healed, but without the pain. 

The problem was that Will knew they couldn’t go back, that they could only try and make their way from where they were. He couldn’t ignore the anger and hurt that was pushed at him through their bond the night before. He was going to have to figure out how to show Matthew he never intended to be without him again. To make him feel as safe as he did in his sleep.

When Will knew that he was going to have to start getting ready soon he slipped under the blankets and wrapped an arm around Matthew’s waist, feeling his warm bare skin. 

Only then did Matthew start to wake up. He could see his toes wiggling under the blankets and then his arms came out from under the blanket to stretch above his head. He was careful not to hit Will, and Will took his care as a good sign. 

After his stretches Matthew turned onto his side facing him. 

Matthew didn’t try and hide how he was feeling through his bond, the traces of loneliness and the soothing relaxation of having just woken up.

“We should get up.” 

There was no urgency behind Matthew’s words, there was a mental tiredness hanging over him.

“You want to call in? I wouldn’t mind taking a day off.”

Matthew smiled at that.

“No, I need time to think, and I wouldn’t want them thinking I was lazy.”

Will leaned forward and at the tilt of Matthew’s chin he pressed a soft kiss to his lips. It was a short and chaste, but it was the most open Matthew had been to him since he had agreed to give their relationship another try. 

When he pulled back, Will knew he had to start getting ready or he would never get to work on time. 

“What would you like for breakfast?”

He enjoyed cooking for Matthew, he had never been able to before and now providing his food made him feel good. Being Molly’s friend had taught him how to cook better than before, how to use seasonings and spices to add flavour. 

“Scrambled eggs and oatmeal.” 

“I’ll get it started, you can shower or whatever else you do in the morning.”

Matthew nodded, looking like he probably wasn’t going to get out of bed for a while. 

Will grabbed a pair of sweatpants from the floor and pulled them on before moving to the kitchen. Matthew was one of the few people Will didn’t feel self-conscious about seeing his scar, even though the colour had turned to a pale pink over the years it still stood out. He stayed shirtless as he moved into the kitchen, turning on the element and putting a pan over it. His next stop was a bag of instant oatmeal and flicking the kettle on. 

He hadn’t realised how much of the time apart he had been living in a daze. Now everything felt purposeful and he actually took joy in melting butter in the pan and cracking enough eggs in a bowl for the both of them. Will whisked them with a touch of milk and paprika before pouring it into the pan with a satisfying sizzle. 

Will let himself get lost in the thought of this being his life, every morning waking up beside Matthew and only getting out of bed to make him breakfast. Although he knew they wouldn’t be able to have children it didn’t feel like a loss. He still cared for Willy and Molly seemed glad to still spend time together still, so it wasn’t like he would be totally stripped from the experience of being a father. 

The ding of the kettle let him know the water was ready and he got a second bowl, filling it with the oatmeal and hot water. 

After putting the bread down in the toaster he took out the last two plates and started serving them up.

He was just buttering the toast when Matthew entered the room. Matthew was only wearing what he had worn to bed. The soft blue boxer briefs that clung to his thighs and the brown t-shirt that was much softer than it looked. With his hair grown out from when they first met it met, it looked good even in the mess it was, his curls brushed back just enough that one of his ears peaked out. 

“I couldn’t resist the smell.”

Matthew admitted as he sat at the table, looking still half asleep. 

“I hope you like it.”

Will brought over his breakfast first, setting it in front of him his whole body tensing when Matthew grabbed his arm. He looked down at his seated mate and he found it hard to swallow, his lips were parted just a little bit and he tilted his head up. 

Matthew let Will come down to him. Not wanting to push his luck it was only a soft brush of lips with only a hint of Matthew’s mouth. 

When he straightened up Matthew looked down at his food and starting pick at it. It made him think of what could have been, every morning like this with small kisses. Will stood by him a minute longer before getting his own breakfast and sitting across from him. 

“It tastes great, thank you.”

Will looked up to see Matthew’s expression, to see that he was relaxed his hand now holding the fork lying on the table. There may be anger left in him but his body language showed he at least felt safe today, none of the stress that normally showed around his edges.

“Anytime.”


	13. Chapter 13

Matthew stood for his picture, trying to keep his face blank. He’d smiled the first time, he was almost thirty six and he was getting his first real licence. It made him feel accomplished to be able to work and now drive without having to hide that he was an omega. 

A lot of that was because of Will, and his willingness to allow Matthew to do whatever he liked. It was uncommon in an alpha and it only made him look forward to see Will again. 

The night they spent together did a lot to make him remember how good it felt to be with Will. There may have been nothing more than a few kisses and the feeling of having his mate next to him, but it had soothed his nerves like he hadn’t felt in years. 

This time was different than the last time though, this time the feelings weren’t only one way. This time Will was making him feel special. He’d never been properly courted and he found he was enjoying it, or at least Will’s attempt at it. He knew it wasn’t anything special, but it satisfied his omega side. 

Matthew wasn’t about to let his heart get ahead of his head, but he was trying to be open to it. It was hard not to be, even as he still held anger inside his chest he couldn’t stop thinking about the feeling of Will’s arms wrapped around him. 

The night before Will had gone back over to Molly’s to hang out with Willy; it had kept them from spending some together after work. It had also blocked them from getting close enough that another offer of spending the night together had been off the table, but tonight was going to be their first real date. 

It was just something small at home, but knowing Will’s intent behind it made his stomach tense, and not fully in a bad way. Will was still going to have to earn his trust, but that didn’t mean he had forgotten what it had felt like to be with Will. 

There was a flash and he was asked if the picture looked good to him. He could see the corner of his mouth was still turned up, but if it wasn’t too much of a smile for them than he was fine with it. 

With a nod he was handed his paper licence and was told that his real licence would come in about a week. 

Now that the process was over he was hurried out so that the next person in line could be helped. 

The yellow paper was clutched tight in his hand, and he made his way outside. For once the crowd of people didn’t bother him; he was too busy thinking about the small piece of freedom he had just earned himself. 

The only thing that brought him out of it was seeing Will leaning against his car, looking as nervous as Matthew felt. He waved and Matthew returned the wave as he hurried to cross the parking lot. 

“This is for you.” 

Will held out a keychain, and Matthew saw that it had one of the dogs that had passed away tags on it and three keys. Matthew took it from him, letting his finger graze over Will’s. He didn’t miss the way his Adams apple bobbed. 

“What is this?”

“The house key, a key to the car, and the key to your motorcycle. The tag has my address in case you lose it.” 

Matthew didn’t hold back the smile that lit up his face. The motorcycle still needed a little work, but they had the weekend, it would be ready before Monday. The car key was a surprise, but it was a show of trust. He took a step forward so that he was standing in Will’s space. 

“Thank you.” 

Matthew closed the space between them, stealing a kiss. Will’s lips felt soft and he willingly opened his mouth for Matthew. He felt Will’s tongue on his lip, and then it slide against his own. If they hadn’t been in public he wouldn’t have pulled away. He was ramped up from getting his licence, and on top of that the taste of his alpha was addictive. 

It had been a while since he had felt him like this, and even as they broke apart he stayed pressed against Will. 

He felt Will’s hand around his waist, resting low on his hip. 

“Do you want to drive us home?”

Matthew tilted his head, tucking it into Will’s neck. His scent was thick, and each breath it filled Matthew’s lungs. He could smell that Will wanted him; he didn’t have to reach out through their bond to know it. 

“I’d rather not.” 

Will’s laugh was soft in his ear, and Matthew let himself get lost in the moment. This had been what he had wanted for so long, but each time he let himself give into the feeling a part of his mind felt nagging doubt. Doubt that Will would stay if something happened again; doubt that it could really work out this time. 

He pulled back and shook off the feeling, reaching behind Will for the door handle. Will moved out of his way and he saw the box on his seat.

“What’s this?” 

There was no answer from Will as he walked around the car so Matthew opened the door and tossed the box into the driver’s seat. He took his place and waited for Will to get in. 

The box was quickly replaced into his lap and he looked down at it. When he looked over at Will he dipped his head awkwardly. 

“It’s a courting gift, open it.”

It wasn’t wrapped so he only had to pull the top off to see what was inside. He knew it was pajamas just from the look of the fabric, but he still reached into the box and take it out. The cloth was thin and terribly soft. It felt so soft in his hands and he brought it up to his face so that he could feel it against his skin. It was thoughtful, even though Will was still under the assumption that Matthew couldn’t have children he had bought him pajamas that were normally reserved for pregnancy due to the price and he could smell that Will had scented it. 

It was much nicer than the pair he owned and he looked forward to wearing it that night. His sheets didn’t even feel this good against his skin.

Will was watching him with a mixed expression that showed how unsure he felt about giving the gift. 

“They’re really nice.” 

Matthew settled into his seat as Will started the car ad he smiled out the window, this was more than he had expected from Will.


	14. Chapter 14

The date had gone well, while Matthew showered and changed into the pajama bottoms and a t-shirt Will had made them a simple pasta and tossed premade garlic bread in the oven. Will enjoyed cooking for Matthew, it made him wish he could have started sooner. With a quick salad it was a good meal and it was light enough that it wouldn’t discourage any activity after. 

Not that they had been much active. Will was letting Matthew always take the first step, not wanting to push him too far. He only had one chance and he was desperate not to ruin it. He could wait a long time if it meant that he got his mate back. 

As they moved to the couch to watch a movie Matthew had slipped an arm around his shoulders and leaned into his side. It was just whatever movie was on TV, but neither of them wanted to end the night. He’d held Matthew through the show, running his hand over his side and letting himself enjoy his scent.

It wasn’t until the movie finished that he realised how much he didn’t want to go to bed. They shared a few lazy kisses on the couch before Matthew pulled away. 

“If we don’t go to bed it’s going to throw me off for work on Monday.” 

Matthew may have just been hesitant for things to go further, after what had happened last time so Will swallowed down his offer to share a bed again. It may have been better, his want was going to become obvious if he didn’t work it out of his system.

“Can I walk you to your room?” 

Matthew laughed as he managed to untangle himself and stand up. 

“I’d like that.” 

Will stood up and took Matthew’s hand. Matthew’s hand was warm in his own and he held on tight.

They started walking to the stairs together and it felt like a real date. Both of them were walking slowly to stretch out the time together a little longer. 

“Tonight was nice.”

Matthew sounded like he meant it, and it felt like a victory to Will. They had only stayed in and spent time together, if Matthew enjoyed it, it meant it was the company he enjoyed.

“If you don’t have plans for tomorrow we could have lunch on the beach.”

“Are you asking me out again?”

Matthew elbowed him playfully but didn’t look over. They started up the stairs and it would mean another day they could spend together. Even if they ended up working on the bike all afternoon it would help ease any tension. 

“If you’re willing.”

“I just might be, depending on what you are bringing for lunch.”

Matthew’s tone was playful and they both stopped in front of his room. Will wasn’t about to walk into an omega’s bedroom uninvited. It was a special place for omega’s it was where they felt safe, it was where they would set up a nest if they ever got pregnant. He wasn’t about to spoil the comfort Matthew had there for a few more seconds together. 

“Takeout and wine alright?”

“Do you just want to get me drunk?”

Will slipped an arm around Matthew’s waist and pulled him so they were standing chest to chest. He wanted to feel every inch of Matthew that he could, so he could remember it later. 

“Maybe I’m the one who needs the alcohol.” 

Matthew let out a soft laugh before his expression became serious. He closed his eyes and tilted his head, welcoming a kiss. Will could taste the sweetness of an omega in his mouth, and the soft noise he made in his throat was one Will hadn’t heard in years. He didn’t know how he had ever thought he could live without Matthew. Now that he was standing in front of him and holding him in his arms he could hardly stand to let go of him for the night. 

Even when the kiss finished they didn’t pull apart, Matthew softy nuzzling him. It was an omega gesture, one that Matthew hadn’t showed him before. Maybe it was the mood that had changed the way Matthew acted, or maybe it was just that Will hadn’t been intimate with him since all of the beta hormones had left his body. 

“Stay the night.” 

Matthew mumbled the words against his lips and at first he wasn’t sure what he had heard. 

“In your room?”

“I don’t want to do anything, but I’d like it if you stayed here.”

“I’d like that too.” 

Matthew hummed in agreement before pulling out of his arms and opening the door. As soon as he was inside he slipped off his shirt and crawled into his place on the bed. 

It gave Will a little time to look around the room and see how little it had changed. He could see the tubs were unpacked, but other than that it looked almost the same, everything was tucked away except for a lumpy blanket on the chair by the window. 

The room didn’t interest him much though once he saw how bare it was, he really only wanted to look at Matthew. 

He was still dressed but he wasn’t about to go to his room and change, not if it risked another night that he could spend curled up next to Matthew. It was all he had been able to think about the night before, the feel of having Matthew in his bed again. Will had sept better than he had in years the one night they spent together. 

“Underwear okay?”

Matthew looked up at him, pulling the blanket over his legs but leaving his stomach bare. It was an invitation. 

“That’s fine.”

He would be lying to say it didn’t arouse Matthew waiting for him. 

Will tried to think of anything else as he climbed into bed next to Matthew, and the omega turned over. Matthew turned off the light and wiggled back until Will was spooning him. 

At first he didn’t move, but he could read the feeling of the room and he slipped his hand over Matthew’s bare side. The muscle under his hand was relaxed and he could feel Matthew only further melt into his touch. 

His hand settled over his stomach and he lightly let his fingers play of Matthew’s abs. It would have taken work to stay as fit as he was, With the new job being not much more than sitting around and answering phones, but he still stayed close to the shape he had been in when he pretended to be a beta. 

“Do you ever think about it?”

Will didn’t know where the question came from or what it pertained to, and he tried to think of what they had last been talking about. When he came up blank he was forced to ask. 

“Think about what?”

There was silence and he would feel the flutter of pain through their bond. Will could only tighten his grip and nuzzle at his neck to try and get Matthew’s hormones to ease it. 

He was forced to loosen his grip when Matthew started to turn over, and with the light from the window he could only just make out his face.

“Do you ever think about the baby,” He paused when his voice hitched, but Will waited, not even sure what to say. “Or what would have been one?”

It was almost all he had thought about the first year, but over time it had faded, what had stayed with him was Matthew. Having him back in the house made it come to mind, that they could have been happy, having a four year old pattering around. The day at the river he would be lying if he hadn’t though of how good Matthew was with Willy. That maybe if it has stuck around Matthew wouldn’t have pushed him away. They wouldn’t have had a family, but they would have had each other.

The loss wasn’t something either of them could have helped, so he tried not to think about it. 

“Sometimes, I try not to.”

When Matthew spoke Will could hear the rasp in his voice as he tried to hide that he was tearing up.

“After a while I stopped thinking about it every day. Being here though, it feels like a constant reminder. Every time I look at you I remember how it felt and how you weren’t there. I think about how I would have liked to meet our baby. I never really knew what I wanted until it wasn’t there. ”

Even in the darkness he could see the wet line from Matthew’s eyes and he tentatively reached out. He almost expected to be pushed away but Matthew let him. He only closed his eyes as Will wiped away the tears, knowing that this wasn’t weakness, it was all the emotion that Matthew had been holding down. 

He could hear the way Matthew’s breath trembled and he shifted closer, wanting to give him as much contact as he could. He didn’t want Matthew to turn away and pull himself together, if he didn’t let it out it would always be between them. 

“This isn’t really what you expected when you met me was it?”

Matthew let out a little huff, and Will was relieved to hear him speak in his stuffy voice.

“Not really, I thought I would get you out and maybe after a few years when we found the right place we could have settled down and started a family. I guess it’s not really like you planned either.”

“I thought I wouldn’t see you again after that day, but I have to say I’m glad I’m wrong.” 

Matthew was silent for a while, but his body relaxed into the soft touches that Will rubbed over his back. He wished he could have been there, but he knew it was lucky that Matthew had been at the hospital. Chilton has told him about the blood loss and how weak Matthew had been for days afterward. If they had been at the house he could have lost them both. 

He tried to think of something else, something lighter like the warm press of Matthew’s bare chest against his own, or how Matthew’s hand was sitting on his side, absently drawing designs into his skin. The thoughts of arousal were gone with the conversation, yet he still enjoyed the touch. 

When the silence drew out a little longer Will let himself say what he had wanted to all those years before.

“I don’t care that you can’t have children Matthew, I would have been so happy if it had worked out for us like that, but in the end I just want to be with you.” 

Matthew tensed, but he didn’t pull away.

“How do I know that you aren’t going to walk away again?”

Will tried not to feel annoyed, but his jaw clenched at the words. 

“You were the one who asked me to leave.”

This time Matthew did pull back, but now far enough that the touches stopped. 

“Because you already left me once, and you said you would never make me do anything and yet you sent me back to the hospital.”

Will was starting to feel that maybe it would have been better to spend the night in his own bed as the tension started to rise. He should have been happy that Matthew cared enough that he was still upset after all this time, but Will had hurt too. When Matthew had told him to stop visiting he had felt completely lost, he was still reeling from killing Hannibal, and after a month of awkward visits Matthew had finally rejected him. 

“I don’t regret what I did, but I do regret what happened because of it.”

He could hear Matthew swallow and a little shift of his hips. At first he thought that Matthew was going to ask him to leave, but he didn’t instead he moved fully into his arms. A leg was thrown over his and Matthew’s face tucked against his neck.

“I guess we can’t change the past.”

For once the anger was out of Matthew, leaving him limp next to him. Will knew it was only a reprieve, but he would take it. 

“I know you don’t agree with what I did, but I wouldn’t mind spending the rest of my life trying to make it up to you.”

“Did you hear that in a movie?”

Matthew’s cheeky comment startled a laugh out of him and Will swatted his hand to give Matthew a small tap.

“Maybe, but that doesn’t mean I don’t mean it.”


	15. Chapter 15

Will’s scent was strong in the air when he woke up, and his body felt warm. At first he blinked sleepily a few times trying to clear his eyes and see if Will was awake. He could feel the wetness between his legs, and he knew it was from being next to his mate, but when he looked over the alpha was missing from his side. 

Matthew turned over and found the spot still very warm to the touch, he hadn’t been gone long. He didn’t know what to think, after actually talking to Will the night before he had wanted to wake up next to him, be reassured that he meant what he said. A part of him was glad that Will was gone, he wouldn’t be able to miss the scent of his slick and Matthew wouldn’t be able to hide it. 

He hadn’t planned to bring up his miscarriage the night before, but he was glad he did. Now that he knew more of what Will thought he found a small bit of hope growing in him. Matthew had wanted Will for so long and maybe this time it would work out. 

There was a nagging feeling of guilt at not telling Will that he wasn’t infertile when the subject was brought up but it was drown out. Matthew still felt the fear that Will could leave him again, even if he knew there was nothing to pull Will away from him. 

Will’s day job was fixing expensive boats, and he owned this house. There was no murder and dark thoughts in Will’s mind anymore, he had changed even if Matthew was having trouble doing the same. 

He was still struggling with the thoughts when he heard the door.

“You’re awake.”

Will’s voice was warm and Matthew watched him cross the room and climb back into bed. It took a few seconds for them to curl up again, Will half sitting up with two pillows behind him and Matthew’s head resting comfortably on his chest. Matthew kept his legs together in the hopes of hiding the scent but being with Will didn’t help the early morning need. 

Matthew let himself touch Will’s chest, running his fingers over nipple and watching it slowly harden as he kept up the gentle play. Will was in much better shape than he had been the first time Matthew had shared his bed. It may have been from his work, or the amount of time he spent outside here, but Matthew felt like he had only become more attractive in the last four years. The flecks of grey in his hair only added to it.

He pushed down the impulse to feel the hardened nub between his lips, instead moving his hand down until he felt the scar that he had never really been able to touch. Will had still been healing when they were first together. 

Now Will tensed for only a breath under his fingers as he felt along the long line of scar tissue. It had healed well, but it was noticeable to the touch. 

“Did you sleep well?”

“I always sleep well when I can smell you.”

Matthew smiled at Will’s words, he remembered the nightmares he used to have and how Will never seemed to have them when he was pressed up against him. He let his fingers trace the scar again. It was good to feel how he healed, to see how much better he was now. Will had done it on his own, pulled himself up without him and it was reassuring in a way. That his alpha would be alright no matter what. 

A hand caught him own and stopped him from moving. 

“I’m not made of stone Matthew. As much as I like you touching me, I can’t feel you like this and ignore what it does to me.”

Hearing the words Matthew couldn’t ignore the tightness in his belly and the added wetness between his legs. The thought of his alpha wanting him in return, he knew that Will had said it before, but there was a difference between hearing and feeling. He had to swallow before he could talk. 

“What are you going to do, pin me to the bed?”

Will brought the hand up to his mouth pressing a soft wet kiss to each finger, only stirring Matthew up further. 

“I would think you would know me better than that. I wouldn’t mind returning to my own bed if you feel uncomfortable.”

Will’s soft tone kept the offer to leave and take care of the problem from sounding anything but sincere, but Matthew didn’t want that. He had been holding back because of his worry, but right now he wasn’t sure why. 

Opening himself up to Will may hurt more in the long run if things didn’t go well, but it wasn’t just Will he was denying, it was himself. It was the touches that had haunted him since he had last felt them, that still woke him in the night shaking from need. The way Will’s body felt against his own, and the tight ache of the knot holding him open. Not touching Will hadn’t stopped him from starting to care about him almost as much as he used to. He still felt his heart pounding whenever they got close, if anything holding back was making it harder. 

Matthew’s skin felt warn as he countered with his own offer. 

“What if I don’t want you to leave?”

“I thought you didn’t want to do anything.”

“I’m allowed to change my mind aren’t I?”

Will’s hand moved from his own and came up to cup his cheek, he used it to tilt Matthew’s head up so that he could take his lips. 

He felt the press of Will’s tongue and he opened his mouth, he could taste that he had left to brush his teeth. Matthew broke the kiss for a moment to slip his hands behind his neck and rolled back, pulling Will with him. The weight feel good over his body, and he didn’t want Will to have to hunch down to kiss him properly. 

The change in position allowed him to feel how his touch had affected Will, to know that it wasn’t one sided. 

As they shifted he let Will move between his legs and he found himself wishing it was pure skin on skin. His omega side felt fully content for the first time in years, and he gave into the urge to give Will his neck. 

It just took a tilt of his head for Will to be on him. Will hadn’t marked him in so long Matthew found himself moaning as Will’s teeth started nip him over the scar. It only added to his need, the feeling of Will claiming him. 

“Harder. I want to feel it tomorrow.” 

Matthew groaned, quickly squirming under Will as he finally bit him. There was a rush of pain followed by a crippling need to be further claimed. He had never felt the same amount of desperation before other than his heat and he could only assume it was because he no longer had beta hormones in his system. 

Even if he hadn’t felt Will’s cock was pressing against his thigh, he would have known how much he wanted him from the feelings vibrating through their bond. It always seemed easier to let Will in when they were touching.

He felt the slick dampening his bottoms when Will finally finished with his old scar, and he could feel the skin ache as he moved his neck. 

“Help me with my pajamas.”

Matthew had meant it as a demand but it came out sounding as needy as he was feeling. Will made a deep growl in his throat and he felt him tugging at his pants, it took a bit of maneuvering but they managed to get them off without Will getting fully off of him. 

As soon as they were gone he pushed at Will’s boxers, wanting to feel him. 

“This is going a little fast.”

Will’s voice was tense and he could tell his alpha was having trouble holding back, it made every omega instinct inside him glow with pleasure. He wanted his mate to lose control, he wanted to be pinned to the bed. There was a frustrating feeling inside him as he didn’t know how to further submit. 

Matthew picked his words carefully, only wanting to encourage him now that they had already gotten so far.

“It’s been four years, humour me.”

His purposeful veiled way of telling Will that he was the last person he had been with would only make his alpha more possessive. 

The boxers were off and he felt Will’s cock rub against him as his alpha rocked his hips. He wasn’t trying to enter Matthew and he knew Will was struggling to keep himself together. 

Bringing his legs up high around Will’s waist he shifted until Will would be able to feel his slick against his shaft. The next few thrusts against him were more sporadic, and he heard the low growl again. 

It was then that Matthew felt like it was not enough, that he needed more and curled his back so he could reach under himself and position Will’s cock at his entrance. 

“Let me prepare you, I want to make you feel good.” 

Will mumbled, his voice a little breathy. 

Matthew met his eyes and forced the tip inside, letting out a little gasp at the feeling of being opened by Will. He felt the tension in his alpha, the way he froze, like he was made of ice. 

Matthew took his time, even aroused it took him a few seconds to adjust to the initial stretch. With Will unmoving Matthew started his own movements, slowly working Will deeper into his body. 

It ached as he adjusted and it took him a moment before he started to take the swollen base inside himself. He paused and concentrated on the feeling of holding Will inside him for a moment before Will started moving again. A hand found its way to his hip and Will started to guide his slightly clumsy movements. 

Matthew’s only real experience had been the one time with Will at his house, the rest of it was blurry from his heat, so he was happy to follow Will’s guidance. 

Even though his knot wasn’t at its full size he loved the feeling of it, the warmth that was growing each time it was fully inside him. It was hard to get to the same spots with his fingers and he has always just defaulted to jerking himself off. He’d missed the fullness, and it had been long enough that he had almost convinced himself that it hadn’t felt this good. 

As he better followed the rhythm that Will set their lips started to brush. Will thrust into him, his body starting to rock as the thrusts came harder. 

This time when Will kissed him he did it hungrily, invading his mouth and leaving his gasping for breath. The tentativeness of before was gone, and he let Matthew feel through his bond the loneliness he felt without him and the alpha hunger to claim his mate. 

Will’s taste was strong even through the minty flavour of toothpaste and when he sucked on his tongue Matthew thought he was going to lose it. Something about letting his alpha fill both his holes made his stomach tense even more. 

He mourned the loss when Will broke it. 

“I never got to see you present, I want to see it.”

Matthew didn’t understand at first what was asked of him, too caught up in the tension that was starting to build. He knew he was getting close and the thought of stopping pulled a whine out of his throat. 

The noise was enough to take him out of it, and he nodded. Will pulling out of him fully left his legs feeling like jelly but once he had the space he managed to roll over. 

He wasn’t too sure how to present properly but Will helped him, pulling his hips up until he was up on his knees with his face in the pillow. When he didn’t feel anything he moved his knees on the bed to try and open himself up a little more. 

Will pressed between his cheeks, rubbing over his hole as a hand pressed into his back to force it into an arch. That seemed to finally satisfy Will and in one painfully slow thrust he was full again. Matthew gasped out Will’s name, not realise that a change in position could feel so good. It felt like Will could get deeper inside him, and he let the omega sounds fall from his lips.

The hand slid up his body until it was on his hip and Will started to encourage his movements. 

The knot at the base was growing and this time as it filled him Matthew felt the discomfort he had felt the last time they had been together, as if it was a little too much. 

By now he understood that that was how it was meant to feel, that the knot had to ache to be able to rub again him in all the right ways. 

Matthew was comfortable enough in being an omega that he didn’t keep down his natural noises as Will started to rut him.

He pushed back into it as much as he could, still following Will’s lead from the hand digging into his hip. 

It was only a few more sharp thrusts before Will was unable to pull out and the knot was big enough to force Matthew’s orgasm. He felt his body milking it beyond his control as the tension burst over him. Will’s release he could feel through both their bond and deep inside his body, making him feel full and sated in ways his omega side normally didn’t get to feel. 

Will moaned his name and Matthew felt him shift behind him. They both took a few seconds to catch their breath before Will pulled him down to the bed. 

With the knot tying them together it felt right to have Will behind him, his arm slipping around his waist. He was glad the blanket wasn’t over them and he could see Will’s hand stroking over his abs. It reminded him of the night before, but he doubted that Will even noticed him that he was doing it. 

It brought up a few thoughts over his own age and if he wanted to try again, but he was feeling tired and content enough that he didn’t get stuck on the thought. 

Matthew felt boneless, letting his eyes flutter closed despite the ache inside him from being so full. 

“I love you Matthew Graham.” 

The words were soft enough that at first he wasn’t sure he heard it correctly. Matthew was glad he was turned away so that he could pretend he hadn’t heard it and Will couldn’t see the smile spread across his face.


	16. Chapter 16

The morning had seemed like a dream, they spent most of it in bed, Matthew had spent so long hiding he didn’t really know what he liked, and Will was happy to help him figure it out. He wasn’t as young as he used to be so he mostly used his mouth and his hands to try and pull noises out of Matthew.

Matthew was a bit like a kid with a new toy, wanting to try everything, but it wasn’t the sex that Will liked the best about the morning. It was that Matthew sometimes now looked at him like he used to. It was normally only for a few seconds, but it was there. 

He noticed it first when he was making him breakfast, and then later that afternoon when they had finished working on the bike and Matthew had taken him for a ride. When they got off Matthew had looked at him with his face glowing. Will had forgotten to breathe for a few seconds, his world narrowing down to the omega in front of him. 

After a few deep kisses they had stumbled into the house and had peeled off their clothing to end up on the couch. It wasn’t until after when Matthew was lazily sitting in his lap, leaning on him while they were knotted together that he saw it again. He heard a few small purrs in Matthews’s chest before they stopped.

This time he couldn’t resist asking. 

“What are you smiling about?”

He started rubbing slow circles into Matthew’s back, feeling the muscles relax further at his touch. Matthew gave a small shrug, his lips pulling up into a lopsided smile. 

“Nothing really.” 

Will didn’t believe it, but he let the topic die, he was happy to sit in silence with Matthew in his arms. He knew that not everything was perfect between them, but it was a start. Matthew was opening up to him. Their physical contact helped open up their bond, it let him feel how Matthew was feeling and know that he was content.

It wasn’t until his knot was soft enough that Matthew could move in his lap that they spoke again. 

“Do you want to pick something up for dinner? Or are you still determined to make everything I eat.” 

Matthew teased, brushing their lips before pulling back, still playful. It reminded him a lot of the Matthew he used to know, the one he had first started to care about, who was so easy to smile when he was struggling to. 

“I was thinking we could pick up some hotdogs and marshmallows and have a small fire on the beach. I could bring down some blankets, it could be really nice.”

Will murmured, leaning forward but never touching Matthew’s lips as the omega always kept just out of range. 

“So still determined.” 

The taunt was softened by the kiss that followed it and Will found himself moaning into the kiss as Matthew shifted on his lap. He could feel his soften knot finely sliding free of his body. 

The kiss was broken as Matthew started to pull himself out of Will’s lap. Matthew moved like he was standing on slightly wobbly legs and even though Will knew it was from being folded up in his lap for the last while, but he couldn’t help but smile. 

Matthew ignored him and stretched out, not having any shame in his body or the seamen leaking down his leg now that he was standing.

Will felt like he was under a spell as he was unable to pull his eyes away from Matthews form as he finished the stretch and gave a little shiver. 

“Do we have hotdogs or should I run out and get them?”

The words only helped to bring his eyes up to Matthew’s face and the smile that was slightly twisted. 

“I can do that.”

Will offered, pulling himself together and tugged up his boxers, knowing he would need a clean pair before leaving. 

“No, I’m hungry; if you want a picnic on the beach you can get all the rest of the stuff together while I pick up hotdogs.”

It made sense and he nodded in agreement.

“And buns.” 

Matthew’s face stretched into a rare full smile before he turned and left the room, leaving behind his clothing and the mess they had made. Will didn’t mind cleaning up though. Each piece of Matthew’s clothing he picked up he remembered removing, how he had tugged Matthew’s shirt over his head and the omega had almost torn it in his willingness to help. Or the way his hands felt against Matthew’s hips as his pants slip lower once the zipper was undone. His favourite was the boxer briefs that Matthew took off himself, pushing Will down onto the couch before slipping them off in one quick move. 

He had gathered up their clothing and just finished putting in the washing machine when Matthew peeked his head in the room. He was already fully dressed again. 

“I’ll be back in a bit. Anything else we need?”

“No.”

“Alright.”

There was a pause and he could tell Matthew was struggling to share his feeling. In the end the silence stretched on until he took a step in and gave Will a quick peck on the cheek before disappearing. 

Will knew it would take time. He had known that from the first day that he started courting Matthew again, but it didn’t stop him from feeling a small bit of frustration. He wanted his omega to feel safe in his house, and feel free to say anything he wanted. He didn’t want Matthew to keep tip toeing around him when they were dressed. 

The thoughts followed him as he went to the bathroom and hopped in to a quick shower to clean off all the sweat and body fluids from the day and down into the kitchen once he had dressed and dried. 

Even as he picked ad started cutting the onion, his mind wasn’t on it, it was on any desperate idea to let Matthew know that he had no intention of being anywhere other than at his side. 

The doorbell was the only thing that brought him out of his funk and he rinsed his hands and hurried over, thinking that Matthew has locked himself out again. An occurrence that normally only happened when he took the dogs out for a run before breakfast while Will was still sleeping.

Instead he was greeted by a tired, but tidy looking Molly. The tension between them had eased, but not the awkwardness. 

“I’m sorry, I know this is last minute, but I got called in to work and I need someone to watch Willy.”

He knew the tone; Molly was worried that Will would turn her down. She didn’t want to take Willy somewhere he wasn’t familiar and Will had always helped her out in the last three years. Willy at least felt comfortable around him and had often slept in the guest room when her shifts went into overtime. 

It meant his romantic night would be ruined, but he wasn’t going to start letting down his friend. 

“I can take him; we were just going to stay in. We can take him down to the beach.”

Molly smiled at the offer. 

“Thank you Will, you’re a lifesaver.”

There was a moment when he felt like he should apologise, but there was no time as she rushed back to the car and helped Wily out, handing him his backpack. 

Will knew that Molly was over prepared; there would be bandages, books and food in there enough that Willy could live on it for a few days. All that would probably go untouched. 

Molly was thrifty though, he knew the uneaten snacks would go into his school lunch. 

Willy looked happy to see him and he felt his arms wrap around his waist. He hugged the child in return picking him up and spinning him around. Will missed the more regular visits, once was week wasn’t often enough. 

Although Willy was getting a little big for it, he didn’t complain and only made a face when Will set him down. 

“We’re going to go down to the beach today.”

Will informed him, unable to keep the smile from his own face as Willy lit up. 

Molly gave Willy a goodbye kiss and told him to be good before rushing off. 

Will never wanted Willy to feel like he was imposing so from day one he always tried to involve him. 

This time he got a cloth bag and got Wily to pack all the condiments into it while he finished with the onions. Everything was already tucked away and they had found set of beach toys and the blanket Will normally used to lie on the sand so they moved to the porch sitting to wait for Matthew to get home. He thought he could hear a bike in the distance and it was like lightning shot through him. 

Knowing Matthew was almost home still gave him excitement even though they wouldn’t be alone. He didn’t care if Willy had to spend the night; he just liked being next to his mate and hearing his voice. The closeness of the morning had only made him want to be around him more.

Will hoped that Matthew wouldn’t mind, and he probably should have called him and asked, but Wily was a part of his life even if Molly and him were only friends. All he could do was hope for understanding, that Matthew would understand that over the last few years he had stepped in and helped and there was no way he could take away that support now. 

When Matthew did pull in the driveway Will’s pulse sped up, watching him take off his helmet and walk the bike into the garage. Matthew didn’t even look his way in his concentration, probably not expecting Will to be outside, his curls were pressed to his head from the helmet and his face was relaxed. 

He disappeared from sight and Will realised he hadn’t heard what Willy had just said. 

“I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”

Willy huffed, but was willing to continue to retell his plans for what they would build in the sand. Will would have to start a fire, but he liked to think that Matthew would be willing to spend the time with Willy. 

It was only a few minutes later when Matthew rounded the house and his head jerked up as he saw them. The bright smile that covered his face stopped any worries that Will had over Matthew being annoyed, he could even feel through the bond that he was pleased. 

“I didn’t know we had a guest Mr. Graham. How are you Will?”

Will frowned at the return of his last name, but his response came after Willy’s short bark of, “Good! Mom said I could stay for dinner.” 

“Mr. Graham? If we are going to use last names that could get confusing Mr. Graham.”

Matthew’s cheeks heated up at being called by his last name, and although he must have been used to it by then, being at the hospital and work, it wasn’t something that often came from Will’s own lips. 

“Since we don’t share a first name I think Matthew is alright.”

The flush to his cheeks made Will only want to hold him more, instead ducking and picking up the bag. 

As the three of them headed in the direction of the beach Will felt settled, like he belonged here with the people beside him. He crushed the small wish that it could have been their family; after all it wasn’t like they had talked about adoption yet. Maybe they could still figure something out.


	17. Chapter 17

Matthew felt his eyes try and close for the second time that night and he wiggled a little closer to Will on the blanket. Willy had already slumped into Will’s other side after Will had told a particularly long story and tiredness had taken over. 

Today had been perfect, he had never felt so close to Will. He could feel an echo of how he was feeling, the pride and contentment. Touching helped strength their bond, and sex had only added to it. It made him feel safer in their relationship, knowing how happy Will was reassured him of his intent to stay. Although it didn’t chip away years of worry he still felt wonderful.

It felt good to fully be with Will again, and for once he actually felt like he was Will’s mate. This is what he had wanted for so long, and he couldn’t allow himself to fully give into it, just in case he lost it again.

After Willy had come it had only been better, the three of them building a small city out of sand and destroying it together. Will had made a fire and Matthew and Willy had sharpened sticks to put their hotdogs on. They had both slightly burned their hotdogs, but the crisp skin tasted good in the buns heaped with condiments. 

It felt like the three of them were a family and it brought back the wish that their baby had lived, but this time it hurt a little less. They were slowly rebuilding some of what had been lost. Will had felt moments of stress during the day and reached out to him, holding his hand to let him know he was there. 

Will turned his head and he felt his lips press a kiss at the corner of his eye. 

“Why don’t we go to bed?”

Will whispered against his cheek. 

Matthew nodded, whispering in return so as not to wake Willy. 

“You carry Will and I’ll get the blanket and the containers.”

Will waited for him to get up before carefully picking up the child. Although Willy made a little noise he settled into Will’s arms and the two of them took off towards the house. 

Matthew stayed back a little packing up and thinking about if he should talk to Will about a family. The next month Matthew would be thirty-six and he knew it got harder to get pregnant in the later thirties, not only that but it was more dangerous for an omega. After what happened the last time he knew it meant he would be on a time limit. 

He didn’t feel fully steady in the relationship as it was still new and unsure, but he was getting to the point where he thought even if it ended up not working between them he would be alright to raise a child on his own. Matthew had a licence and a good paying job, it may have been fairly easy work but he enjoyed it and he was good at it. With his savings he knew he would be able to buy a small apartment. 

Even if he didn’t have Will he still wanted to have his baby.

The thoughts follow him to the house and by the time he got there he felt nervous seeing Will waiting in the door for him. 

“I put Willy in the spare room.”

Will held out his arms and Matthew let himself fill the space, hiding his face into his neck. It felt right to be in his arms and he nuzzled him lightly. 

“Would you like to stay with me again tonight?”

Matthew asked, even knowing they wouldn’t get up to anything with Willy in the room over it would be nice just to lay beside him. 

“If you want me.”

Matthew smiled at the comment, but he stayed in his arms for a beat longer before pulling away and replying. 

“I want you.”

“Then I’ll meet you at your door.”

Will opened the door for him and followed in behind, but when Matthew went up the stairs he left to his room. Will was gone long enough that Matthew could brush his teeth and wash his feet from the dirt from the beach in peace. 

He was changing into pajama bottoms when he heard a gentle knock on his door. Matthew finished pulling it over his hips and before opening it to greet Will.

Will was wearing plaid pajama bottoms and a thin t-shirt. It was something he had worn while he was healing and it would cover him if Willy woke up in the night. 

Matthew reached out and took his hand, leading him in and shutting the door. He left it unlocked in case Willy needed them, and pulled Will to the bed. 

His natural alpha smell both excited and relaxed Matthew, after the morning he wanted to be closer, but that would have to wait. Matthew tried to tell himself that Will was his now, and that he wouldn’t have to worry about only having a short time with him. Not of his mind believed it, but it was a nice thought. 

Once they were under the blankets Matthew tucked himself in close and used Will’s arm as a momentary headrest. 

“Thank you for understanding.”

Will’s voice was low, obviously trying to be quiet. 

“For what, Willy?”

“Yes, I know it wasn’t the romantic night you wanted.”

Matthew let out a huff of laughter and he rolled over. Will followed him, until he was spooned up against Matthew’s back, his arm around his waist. 

“I never said I wanted a romantic night, besides I liked spending time with the two of you. It feels really good.” 

“Like family.”

Will’s thought must have been near his own, the feeling of being with the two of them brought up longing that had always felt close by since he has first arrived and seen the little dog tucked in a baby blanket. 

“Precisely.”

He felt a deep breath against his neck as if Will was steeling himself. 

“I know we never really talked about it, but if in a while you wanted, we could start looking into adoption. Even with your history you’re still an omega, I am sure it could be an option.”

Matthew turned over. Even in the dark he wanted to see the look on Will’s face, the slight hope and worry mixed. The topic was sensitive and even though he had a lot he wanted to say it felt hard to actually share it. He should have told Will sooner, he should have brought it up one of the many times Will had said that he didn’t care if Matthew was infertile, but the words had always stuck in his throat. 

When he paused to try and gather himself, Will started to fill the silence again. 

“Not that we need to. If you don’t want children I don’t mind. I don’t need it.”

“But you would like it.”

Matthew responded with the statement. 

“Yes.” 

Will’s honest reply was quiet, as if he was afraid to hurt Matthew with his words. 

“You’re not totally alone in that feeling. I’ve been thinking about it for a while now.”

Matthew didn’t really know where to start, and he let Will speak again.

“We don’t have to rush into anything, but we could start looking into our possibilities.” 

Matthew licked his lips and decided to come out with it, like jumping off a cliff, once the information was out there he couldn’t take it back.

“I want to go into heat.”

Will was quiet and he waited for Matthew to continue before jumping to any conclusions, but Matthew could feel conflicting emotions trembling on the edge of their bond.

“I know things are still tense sometimes, but I want to try again before it’s not a possibility.”

There was a touch of excitement laced with hurt as Will spoke.

“I thought you couldn’t…”

“My hormones normalised after a while, if we wanted to, we could still give it a second go.”

Matthew avoided saying it outright, feeling like it he spoke the words he would be cursing them. The excitement won out and he felt Will’s arms tighten around him. 

“I would love that.” 

“Then I’ll stop my suppressants.”

Will’s lips found his own and after too kisses that bordered on being too rough Will’s tongue pressed between his lips. He could feel the desperation and want that Will had been holding back as he opened his mouth and started to kiss him in return.

Only when he felt the start of slick between his legs did he pull back, not wanting to do anything while Willy was in the house. His nod towards the door was enough for Will to stop, but he didn’t pull away. Will kept Matthew tight to his body, sending warm feeling through their bond. 

The nerves he felt over trying again were forgotten in the joy that he could feel from Will, it matched his own feelings at the thought of trying again.


End file.
